


"Let's get pretty, boys!"

by ThatAwkwardBastard



Series: One of The Brothers [2]
Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Asmo being Asmo is your warning, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Crack Relationships, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Family Dinner, Flirting, Gen, Gender-Neutral MC, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, I guess sort of Crack Taken Seriously but later in story, Let me reiterate NO ROMANCE between MC and brothers, MC's sexuality is ambiguous just in case you wondered while reading, Mammon is on a date with a parody of a certain diva..., NO romance between MC and the brothers, Rating May Change, Reference to the Sinful Indulgence MV, Revenge, So MC is whatever gender you want, So MC is whatever sexuality you want, Valentine's Day Fluff, You'll see why I keep reminding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:47:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29238549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatAwkwardBastard/pseuds/ThatAwkwardBastard
Summary: MC didn't expect anything special to happen on Valentine's Day, really. Everyone seemed to be busy with their own stuff, but after Asmo's date apparently dumped him for Mammon, MC allowed themself, along with Satan and Beel, to be convinced by Asmo to have a Valentine's Day dinner at Ristorante Six.What was supposed to be a family dinner between the four siblings turned into a messy revenge plan that involved demonus, unexpected flirting, crying in the bathroom, and Asmo having a fake harem...or maybe not Asmo.Well, at least they all looked pretty, right?~~~~~~This is story #2 in my collection of Obey Me! Short Stories called, "One of The Brothers." Each story is just a glimpse at MC's regular day life in the Devildom. The more time MC spends with the brothers, the more MC starts to become one of the brothers.With a lack of non-romantic Obey Me! stories to indulge in, this collection will hopefully provide entertainment for you "Found Family" trope lovers. This story is fairly PG-13, but there are romantic elements this time, just not between MC and the brothers. If you can play the game, you can read this.Hope you enjoy, and constructive criticism is welcome!
Relationships: Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/???
Series: One of The Brothers [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2146932
Kudos: 27





	"Let's get pretty, boys!"

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, there is NO romance between the gender-neutral MC and the brothers, only family feelings. There is some teasing and strange situations, but, I mean, this is Obey Me! we're talking about. Regardless, I aimed for a family atmosphere, and I hope I conveyed that in my writing.

The normal act of taking a needed nap seemed alien to me the moment I had settled in the House of Lamentation. With seven, lonely, boomer-esque, chaotic brothers in a household with a barely-sane human, napping became an excuse for them to bother me. That being said, even on a day like February 14, as the dry, bitter taste of drool settled into my mouth like an alarm, I flinched at the sudden touch of someone waking me up. I groaned in disgust as my eyes blinked at a small puddle of my saliva resting on the kitchen table.

“MC, were you dreaming about food?” Beel’s warm timbre helped my ears readjust to this world’s millions of dark shades, forcing me to forget the lurid characteristics that had painted my dreams. Beel held out a bag of Ruri-chan chips, special edition specifically. One look inside screamed unicorn vomit, and even the smell overwhelmed me with the superficial scent of happiness. “You can have some if you want.”

Still feeling hazy from my nap, I thanked him, but took no chip, walking to the refrigerator. My parched throat bothered me the more I swallowed my unpalatable saliva, needing some sort of liquid to replenish my taste buds. 

“Beel,” I said as I took out an entire juice container. “How long was I asleep?” Letting the cold liquid slide down my throat and get lost in my stomach reanimated my senses in between breathing and drinking. I was invested in the flavor, too busy to notice the blaring ticks of the clock above the fridge. 

“Hm, well…” Crumbs dusted Beel’s lip corners as his hand continued to feed into his sybaritic habits. The way his teeth were able to crunch through layers of chips without a hint of pain was an incumbent skill of the avatar of gluttony, but certainly didn’t make it any easier to look at. Although I wasn’t one to talk (since I was currently drinking directly from a juice jug), just imagining how much food Beel had to stuff in himself in order to maintain his equanimity played with my mind. If I had a body like Beel’s, you bet I’d be eating all day, too. 

“I think you fell asleep when I started talking about Levi’s anime food.” Beel explained as my stomach was replete with an overload of fruit sweetness. “So, like four hours ago.” 

Drinking juice was the equivalent of drugs for me, and although I did hear Beel, it took me a while to actually respond back because, I mean, the juice was calling me. I couldn’t ignore my baby. Anyway, I eventually huffed out a “Seriously? Doesn’t Lucifer get pissy when we nap for more than an hour?”

Beel shrugged, crushing Ruri-chan’s face along with his plastic chip bag, and threw it in the trash can. “Lucifer usually let’s us nap for about three hours, but when he came in, he said he’d allow you another hour since you got a hundred percent on your Calculus test.” 

I smiled, taking another swig at my drink. “It’s nice to see that Lucifer isn’t always vitriolic with me. I like making him proud.” Beel patted me on the head before scrambling through the snack closet. His head pats were always the best, and they never were condescending. Just honest, wholesome head pats that reassured me whenever a hint of doubt slipped into my voice. 

As my own eyes went on their own visual peregrination around the kitchen, they finally landed on the time. “It’s six o’ clock?! Already?” 

“Mhm. I made sure not to eat your dinner, so maybe you should do that now.” Although Beel spoke innocuously, it sounded like an underlying threat.

“What about everyone else?” I sat on the kitchen table. “In fact, where is everybody?” 

“Diavolo and Barbatos invited Lucifer to dinner, Asmo has a date, Belphie and Levi are rewatching that one anime you don’t like, Satan went to go buy a new book, and Mammon is...I don’t know.” 

“Seriously? I thought we were going to--” _Celebrate Valentine’s Day? In the Devildom?_

The sound of Beel’s shuffling stopped the words from coming out, and, even so, my own thoughts would have interrupted me, anyway. Valentine’s Day here in the Devildom didn’t seem to be all that important. Sure, that morning everyone had said “Happy Valentine’s Day” to each other, but nothing else came out of it. Didn’t even get to eat chocolate -- the greatest disappointment.

_I guess it’s just another boring day._

Sighing aloud, I jumped off the table and chugged all of the juice in one gulp, fighting for air as the last drops spilled on my lips. Just as I was about to throw the container away, Asmo pushed the door open and stormed inside, pulling Satan by the collar. Asmo looked livid, which was not good for his facial care routine, so the interruption surely had my attention. 

“Beel, MC, Satan. The three of you will get dressed up and go to dinner with me, and I will gladly pay for all of your meals.” Asmo commanded, letting go of his brother as he crossed his arms. “Make sure you all wear cute outfits. I will not be embarrassed tonight, got it?!”

Asmo definitely attracted Beel and I at the mention of free food, and we both might have walked out the door without question if Asmo hadn’t made an obnoxious cough before we got out.

“Um, aren’t you going to ask me why I’m inviting you?! Do you guys not care about me?!” Frustration was sewn into Asmo’s tone as he waved his arms in the air, his glaring eyes murdering us on the spot. 

Beel and I pondered on whether we cared enough to ask, and seeing Satan face plant in the background didn’t help make Asmo’s case seem serious, but good ol’ Satan answered anyway before either of us could form a question in mind.

“Asmo’s date dumped him for Mammon, so now he wants us to be his puppets for his revenge plan.” 

“When you put it like that, you make me sound pathetic, like that insufferable asshole!” 

“Wait, Mammon is on a date?” I asked. Baffled by such a concept like that snapped me out of my food delusional state and got my rationale working again, and while I questioned Mammon’s flirting abilities, Beel’s stomach roared above all the awkward tension. 

“I’m hungr--”

“MC, you know I love you,” Beel’s complaint went ignored because all that Asmo cared about was his misfortunate love affair with this lady. In seeing dark circles underneath Asmo’s usually frenetic eyes, it came to me that he must have cried over this incident. “But hearing you even mention his name is such a turnoff. Maybe call him by his real name: a waste of time and space.” Asmo’s voice started to tremble, but he quickly turned around and fished out his pink lip gloss from his pocket, applying a thick layer onto his chapped lips. 

This hidden side of Asmo was truly eye-opening, and my appetite left as quickly as Asmo’s self-confidence. Neither Satan or Beel physically comforted their brother. Instead, they accepted the lack of communication with each other and waited for an excuse to leave. It worried me at times how these demons seemed to lack compassion at each other’s most vulnerable moments, yet I couldn’t necessarily blame them for that. 

Starting to sense quiet whimpers from the feminine figure, I spoke and prayed that the other two backed me up. “Well, it is Valentine’s Day, so of course we’ll go out with you.” 

From my peripheral vision, Satan’s straight posture cracked at my final verdict, and it was obvious that he did not want to get dragged further into Asmo’s delusions. Beel’s indifferent features overshadowed the glint of excitation at the mention of food, so it wasn’t wrong to assume he was all aboard. 

Asmo looked over his shoulder, his new, plump and shiny lips trying to seduce me away from his tired eyes. “Will you really?” 

Before Satan got the chance to reject Asmo, my servility played into Asmo’s peremptory mannerisms. 

“Of course. Just give us some time to get ready, and we’ll be on our way together!” Flashing him a forced smile, I hooked arms with Satan and pulled Beel with my other arm. “Let’s get pretty, boys!” We left a happy Asmo in the kitchen, but just as we were about to head up the staircase, Satan jerked away his arm, his irritation written all over his face. 

“MC, do you know how long I’ve been waiting to read this?” Satan held up a green book as if he was offering it to the gods. At close inspection, I realized it was _The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn,_ the American novel I had recommended to him long ago. At this point, though, I didn’t remember half the crap that happened in that story other than the fact that I hated Tom Sawyer. 

Satan tucked the book back under his arm. “Why can’t you and Beel go with Asmo?” 

“Because YOU’RE his brother, Satan. Out of everyone, Asmo is the closest to you.” Guilt tripping was definitely not my forte, especially when dealing with haughty demons that refused to give into human sympathy, but it was Valentine’s Day for crying out loud. And I really wanted an excuse to get wasted at some restaurant’s chocolate fountain, but Satan and Beel didn’t need to know that. 

Satan hissed, “Asmo is just being dramatic. He only likes her because she’s attractive, anyway.” No longer bothering with Beel and I, Satan began to walk away in the opposite direction. No matter how many times I called out his name, his condescending, green eyes never aligned with mine. 

That was until Beel’s body suddenly clicked. He no longer held onto his stomach with an arched back. Now, with a proper stance, he followed Satan and forced the fourth brother to stop in his tracks. 

“If you don’t come with us, I will spoil the ending to _Huck Finn._ ” 

As a fanatical reader myself, I could feel the air escape from Satan’s lungs, my sweat soaking through my thick clothes in the heat of the moment. If there was anything more threatening in Satan and I’s world, it was the distaste of spoilers, the reveal of the unknown that was meant to stay unknown. The act of knowing wasn’t the sin, but rather the act of indulging in the future, making it the present -- that was what spoilers meant for readers like us. One slip of the tongue, such a rush, could feel like ecstasy and consternation, like an overdose with no clear consequences.

“Beel, you wouldn’t...would you?” I couldn’t tell if Satan’s orotund voice came from a place of wrath or from a place of anxiety. Satan dared to not look over his shoulder, he dared to not test his younger brother because, beyond Beel’s care bear aura, everyone knew that something boiled underneath that soft, huggable skin. 

“I would. _Huck Finn_ is the only book I’ve ever been able to get through without eating it,” Beel’s hand tendons popped from his skin as the smallest flinches jerked through Satan’s fingertips. “I don’t like threatening you guys, but we should eat together. For Asmo.” 

Only Beel was capable of being the definition of danger and empathy at the same time, yet we all seemed to forget that concealed power of his. What made innocent, little Beel frightening was the fact that even he was ignorant to his own manipulations and others’ tribulations. Caring eyes starched in chthonian colors refused to uncover the demon’s true propensities, but I wasn’t eager to find out any time soon. 

Rarely did Satan ever give us the benefit of the doubt with regards to our antics, but after this much needed wake-up call, Satan hesitantly turned only his head, knitted eyebrows refusing to give into his compunction. 

“Fine. I’ll go with you guys.” Satan spat, beginning to step away from us again, “but don’t expect me to be nice about it.” The normally staid demon left with bellicose footsteps kicking the carpet, leaving Beel and I to wonder if maybe going out for dinner on Valentine’s Day wasn’t the best stimulation for camaraderie.

~~~~~~

There is something about perfume that really fascinates me. On one hand, you got the people that know when and how to use perfume to their advantage. They have a strategic plan that centers around the fact that just a huff of the sweet aroma can make one fall in love with the nearest person around; however, you also have the people who lull themselves into false self-control as they drench themselves in the overpowering smell that burns their own receptors and common sense.

Unfortunately for me, as I shoved past the three demons and tripped out of our rented limousine with heavy shoes that begged to go back home, as I drank in the natural air that detoxed my physical being, I forced myself to recognize that Asmodeus, no matter how many beauty care tips he had in that pretty brain of his, was the type to get drunk on his sadness and designer fragrances. 

The ride had only been fifteen minutes long, yet every minute had felt like a countdown leading to a mental breakdown. We had told Asmo that there was no need for such a luxurious transport, but he insisted, with strained eyes, that it was all part of the experience. Wearing outfits that screamed privilege and materialism, the four of us had sat in that limo in silence for the entire ride, but our eyes had done all the talking. Asmo had refused to make eye contact with anything other than the tinted window. I had been the one sitting next to Asmo, Satan and Beel sitting across from us. Despite the lack of communication, every minute began with an obnoxious hiss of Asmo’s perfume spraying his neck, his hand, his elbow, his everything. 

First two minutes: _No big deal. Maybe it’s just his routine._

Seven minutes in: Two subtle coughs from Beel and I seemed to make the perfume hiss louder.

Last minute, as Ristorante Six came into view: It took every ounce of willpower to not slap the spray out of Asmo’s perfect hands and chuck it out the window in hope of seeing the glass break into billions of pieces onto the street. 

As the restaurant stood ironically in blinding hope, I tried to hide my gasps for air, but the need to erase the intrusive odor of artificial flowers pushed my integrity and sophistication to the side. 

“A little too late to be regretting this now, MC.” 

A quick glance over the shoulder, and Satan’s deadpan face cursed at me in every language in existence. I would have laughed, really, but I think my hypocrisy would have leaked out of my mouth.

From behind us, Beel’s extended hand supported Asmo’s delicate one as he stepped out of the limo. Like the press of a button, Asmo’s face lit up and complemented the restaurant’s blaring lights that refused to take its spotlight away from us. Eyelashes that moments ago looked like they were on the brink of falling off batted away any doubt inside Asmo and painted the natural pink color of his eyes. 

It was hard to describe Ristorante Six because I had never been there prior. Sure, I may have heard from Asmo and Beel how amazing the appetizers were there, but no one had bothered telling me that it was no Ma and Pa kind of restaurant. Admiring the millions of limousines that overcrowded the pull up, all kinds of demons blessed the ground with stilettos and oxfords. It almost seemed like we were standing in the middle of a red carpet premiere, and the snapping alarms of cameras fell into a rhythm as the four of us stepped toward the entrance. Without warning, Asmo’s arms hooked with mine, and as I led him inside, for a second, I thought I heard a pause in the paparazzi's bantering. 

The inside’s dark lighting served as a juxtaposition to the restaurant’s explicit exterior, yet prudence was nowhere to be found among the other patrons’ condescending glances. The more we walked, the more the faces started to look the same, like the same lifeless mannequins. With the tantalizing snickers that the other three ignored, the next couple of steps went by in a haze, only focusing on the dimness of the counter area and the dead dining room full of more arrogant demons who stuffed their mouths with petty wealth. Asmo and I were still linked, but I felt my own arm gradually depend on him when it was supposed to be the other way around. 

According to our waiter, there was another dining area behind the left wall. There was a gap between the left wall’s end and the back wall, leading a pathway to the other dining room and the bathrooms. Although one needed to make a reservation at Ristorante Six, if one wanted an even more private area, that was the other room’s purpose. Contrary to the main dining room’s depressing atmosphere, loud chatter threw random syllables into the air, which made the other dining room seem more compelling. 

My arm finally lost its balance as the waiter placed us at a table in the middle of the room. The four of us sat at random, having Beel across from me, and Satan and Asmo on my right and left. 

We placed our drink orders, although, I think Satan, Beel, and I were worried about Asmo wanting to drink an entire bottle of Demonus so early, but we let it go because we knew that tonight was his night. I ordered apple cider since apple juice was too “immature for a restaurant like this,” but the others stared at me strangely. Apparently, apple cider was like alcohol to demons, but since I was human, the drink didn’t affect me. For the first time that night, Asmo genuinely let out a giggle, and it relieved me to know that I had been the one to cause the little amount of joy in his eyes. 

Without a say in the matter, Asmo placed our dining orders right away, asking for two of each dinner meal. Of course, Beel and I were overjoyed, and we both almost might have proposed to Asmo with our onion rings appetizer, but we also asked him if he was sure of that. Asmo explained that there were only 15 meals, so it wasn’t that much money. Beel and Satan shrugged it off, but as I glanced at the menu, I could feel my wallet dying in my pocket, only having 2,000 grimm to my name. 

We waited a while, and the dishes came to the table at a slow pace, but we appreciated the tempo, or at least I did. Beel’s stomach said otherwise. 

“So, how was your guys’ Valentine’s Day? Did you get anything from others?” Asmo sipped on his wine glass, the smallest dosage of demonus decorating his breath. 

“Three girls…*munch* *munch* and two guys…*munch* gave me chocolate, but I ate them in two seconds.” Out of the four of us, Beel was the one enjoying the meal the most, and the idea of cheering up Asmo slipped out of his mind as he literally stuffed his face with a dish that looked like spaghetti. Even with his mouth full, he smeared some dipping sauce on it in hopes of making the noodles more slippery. As much as I loved Beel and respected his clever ways of eating, the combinations of food were making me nauseous the more I admired him. 

Looking off to the side, Satan looked bored as ever, his face slouching against his propped elbow and hand. He didn’t bother to seem interested in the whole affair, and the troll in me wanted to jerk his arm away so that his face would slam against the table, but I didn’t want to die in such a public place. 

“Satan, did you get anything today?” I asked, hoping he would become a participating member in the conversation. 

“Nothing special,” Satan finally lifted his head, daring to take the last onion ring on Beel’s forgotten plate. “Only 10 people confessed to me.” 

“Wh--Excuse me?! 10? People?” 

“You’re acting as if that’s something out of the ordinary, MC.” A sprinkle of amusement lingered in Satan’s tone, and even though it seemed like he was beginning to settle into the talk, it was at the cost of my fascination. 

“Well, 10 people confessing IS a lot for me…” 

Satan’s revelation shouldn’t have surprised me, and after enduring so many of Lucifer’s complaints about students practically throwing themselves onto him, one would assume that the other brothers faced the same displeasures, especially Satan, seeing that he was one of the most popular students at RAD--but sometimes, I genuinely forgot that I lived with the seven most attractive and powerful demons in the underworld. The idea of romance and them just never registered properly in my mind, probably because I only ever saw their annoying and nurturing sides. Sure, the occasional teasing usually left me flustered for a couple of seconds, but it was only ever teasing. In general, their abilities to attract so many people both inspired me and insulted me, dragging my pathetic self deeper into reality. 

“What about you, MC?” Asmo’s wink paused my insecurities, spinning his empty glass between his manicured fingers. His nails actually matched with the Demonus’s color: a metallic blue-pink color that changed at the right lighting angle. “Surely a cutie like you got something today.”

Feigning indifference, I chuckled, “Actually, I got nothing today, but at least that saved me from any embarrassment, so…”

“What?!” The three demons shouted, slammed hands showing off their painted nails. 

Wide-eyed, and trying to ignore bystanders’ stares, I sipped my cider loudly as I awaited for their faces to relax. 

“I left a love letter under your pillow!” 

“I bought a new pint of ice scream that has your name on it.”

“There should be a new, mystery novel placed on your escritoire.” 

The night had already proven to be mercurial in nature, so as startled as I was at the boys’ outbursts, a sudden catharsis lifted my spirits, and I felt a plethora of euphoric emotions unravel in the form of an ugly laugh that I couldn’t hold back, even if I wanted to. Eventually, the other three followed suit, falling for my accidental incantation, and none of us cared about the numerous glares or sneers we were getting. We were lost in the moment, and we weren’t ready to find time back.

~~~~~~

“Asmo, Satan, make sure that Beel doesn’t eat my fancy pizza while I’m in the bathroom, got it?”

Asmo and Satan were too busy conversing about past lovers and embarrassing date stories to vocally answer me, but a nod from Satan was all I needed to stand up and stroll toward the back. My stomach was getting full, although I hadn’t eaten as much as the others, but I was too happy to let the pain get the best of me. 

Throughout our dinner, I had found out a lot about these boys and their love lives. Apparently, Beel only had about five lovers in the total of all his years living, which surprised me, considering how many human beings would have loved to be with him. Finding out that Asmo and Satan had once dated the same girl at the same time without knowing had left me gasping and praying the Lord for air after hearing that Asmo and Satan threw dead fishes at her because she “smelled” like them. 

At this point in the night, Asmo was completely drunk, an empty bottle of demonus playing between his now-messy hands. Satan and Beel still had their heads on, but they too were letting their guards down while they relished in their brother’s unpredictable talking. 

Walking further from our table, I heard Beel’s laugh hit the walls as I got to the dark, back hallway. Worn-down candles decorated the top of the walls, making the desire for light more patronizing. From the table, I couldn’t tell how far apart the regular dining room was from the more private area. The in-between pathway was longer than it seemed from the outside; nonetheless, the hallway itself was manageable. It was the other demons who leaned against the walls that forced me to proceed with caution. There were only three couples, and they seemed to want their privacy as they whispered to one another. 

Avoiding any direct eye contact, at the right end side, a line of white candles above three doors called out to me. The different bathroom signs yelled in blue, red, and purple. Relief washed over me as I saw a group of demons leave their restroom in friendly laughter, which helped remind me that I was at a restaurant, not a cemetery. Getting closer to the bathrooms, and as my bladder counted down, someone ran out of the red bathroom unexpectedly, crashing into me. 

Soft breasts pressed against my arm as the rest of the person’s body pushed me back a little. Never in my life had I been more thankful for the darkness than at that moment as I could feel my body turn into cardboard, knowing that I shouldn’t have felt comfort in this person’s warmth. Hitched breath, twitching arm, jelly legs, about thirteen dusty candles -- those were the only things reeling in my head as I staggered into the shadows. Planting her feet in place while keeping her balance, the young woman’s winced face braced itself for greater impact. After a couple of seconds of both of us recollecting our breaths, her eyes blinked furiously, adjusting to my dim figure.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going, pervert!” The young woman’s once frail-looking body trampled toward me, blood-shot eyes invading even my inner thoughts. Pressed up against the wall with no easy escape, my limbs started to numb at the smell of her soporific, vanilla scent. The girl’s small hands dug into my shoulder blades as she forced me once more underneath the candles. 

Fear was as common as breathing here in the Devildom for a human being like me, but after surviving countless murder attempts from five of the most powerful demons in the realm, any low ranking demon seemed to have the same effects as one’s own annoying little cousin who didn’t know when to piss off. 

Two long, teal pigtails framed her scowling face, but just as the light swallowed us, she let go, she backed off, she admired so. The young woman pushed her side bang behind her ear as a flirtatious smile played on her strawberry lips. Her eyes no longer wanted to kill me. Instead, they traveled from head to toe, seeming to crave for me in a different way. 

I don’t want to say I loved the attention I was getting because that would be an overstatement, but I think it was fair to say I didn’t hate the way this girl twirled her hair. I was thankful that the candles were dim enough to mask my flushed face, but they definitely couldn’t cover up my heart’s fast bpm. 

“Oh, I’m sorry…” The girl pouted before whispering into my ear, “That was my bad.” 

I could have exploded, I would have exploded, I should have exploded right when her final breath kissed my ear shell, but she quickly turned around, not leaving me enough time to process each of her teases. She swayed her hips into the darkness as she strutted down the path I came from, and with her throwback glance, I could see her genuine smirk.

“I’ll catch you around.” 

I stood in front of those bathrooms for a while, trying to process what the hell just happened. _Did someone actually flirt with me? Did I imagine this? Did the apple cider really get me drunk?_ Questions that I knew would never be answered tipped my head from side to side, but the more confusion dawned on me, the more my stomach hurt. So I walked into the bathroom, but all of my inner evaluations led me back to the memory of her same, surreal, strawberry lips.

I finished my business quickly, and I finally had that girl out of my mind, brushing the encounter off as a fluke. The hallway didn’t seem as terrifying as before, but for some reason, I couldn’t help but look at the candles above the bathroom doors for one last time. The flames stood still, beautifully parallel to one another. Symbolically, I felt like the flames represented the inner peace I had inside me.

Two candles on the farthest right flickered and struggled to stay alive as the darkness's hush killed them off. Too distracted by the sudden change in atmosphere, the rumblings of a familiar, gorgeous mess ran past me, shoving me back into the shy darkness. The last glimpse of disheveled, strawberry blond hair disappeared in the bathroom, and before I knew it, five other candles died with the light they brought. 

“Asmo, hold on!” Two voices yelled from down the hallway, and with the addition of ugly wails coming from the restroom, the slight burning under my skin comforted me in the dark. In seconds, bouncy, blond hair and tangerine nails revealed Satan and Beel’s worry, contrary to their earlier reactions. 

Satan ran inside the bathroom with no regards to my suspicious form, but with those eyes of his--anger and fear mixed together--I knew better to stay back and let him handle Asmo. Just before the last couple of candles could give out, I jumped in front of Beel, leaving the safety of bystander status to active witness. 

“Beel! Wait!” My two hands managed to push against Beel’s chest before his set motor ran me over. “What the heck happened with Asmo?” 

My frantic voice didn’t come close to the way Beel’s chest pumped in and out, to the way his hands shook against my own unsettled shoulders. 

“Asmo’s ex-date came into our dining area. I was the first one to see her. I didn’t...I didn’t mean to cause this…” Beel’s voice diminished as he let go of his words, his hands dropping at the last syllables. With the addition of tomato sauce on his face, Beel looked like a child who had been scolded, and with no snacks in either of my pockets, I didn’t know how to comfort the demon as Asmo’s unsettling cries kept overflowing our ears. 

The unnatural state of Beel’s empty hands made the situation seem more real and serious than I wanted it to be, so I squeezed them, reassuring, “I-I’ll talk to Asmo, Beel. Why don’t you-”

“No,” Beel squeezed back. “Satan and I will take care of him. Asmo gets kinda mean when he cries, and I don’t want him to hurt you.” 

A second ago, I struggled to comfort Beel, and now here he was, caressing my hair as his slow smile promised world peace. Protesting against his gentle soul would have resulted in an automatic truce, so I didn’t reach out for Beel’s hand again once his figure disappeared in the bathroom. 

Two candles went out.

“MC?” With a voice that emphasized a staccato with each syllable of my name, I turned around quickly, expecting the worst to confront me. 

Upon staring at a pair of golden, blue eyes, the elegant, dragging chords of a string quartet resounded in the hallway, singing from the formal dining room. Recognizing Mammon’s voice and physique was expected, but as his hand ran through his white hair, my eyes ran up and down his body, breath taken from his black suit that accentuated his tan skin. A never-before-seen watch tightened his wrist, only emphasizing his forearm’s muscles with the help of his pushed-up sleeves. His popped collar cried for any attention as one could see Mammon’s beautiful breathing pattern. 

It was hard not to gawk at him, even if it did feel inappropriate and wrong to do so, yet Mammon’s smirk ultimately shut down any guilt.

“Like what ya see, human? Of course ya do! I look super hot tonight!” As much as the idiot looked good, his annoying hubris always tainted the respect I had for him. Although I was tempted to grimace loudly, I reluctantly held back any sarcasm and ignored his haughty nature for the moment, even if his body language screamed cockiness all around. 

With the simple act of a respectful bow, I mellowed my voice. “Good evening, Mammon. Lovely to see you in such fine fashion.” 

“Oi! You’re makin’ fun of me, aren’t ya? What’s a human like ya doin’ here, anyway?” 

“Asmo invited Satan, Beel, and I to dine here.” Just as the words left my mouth, Mammon stepped toward the bathroom entrance. Asmo’s earlier cries were starting to calm down, and only his loud sniffs harmonized with his brothers’ laggato whispers. I quickly blocked the entrance, firmly placing my hands on Mammon’s chest. “You shouldn't go in there right now.”

Blushing at the sudden touch, Mammon zipped away in a flash, dramatically dusting off his clothes. 

“Who are ya to stop me?! I want to PEE!” Huffed Mammon, glancing at his wristwatch. “I have a date to get to, ya know?”

_Oh, right._

“Mammon,” I sighed. “Asmo is crying in the bathroom. You’re the last person he wants to see...” 

Taken aback, Mammon’s shoulders jumped as if he got shot in the heart. He pulled me into him and shoved me toward the nearest wall before my back could slam against it, both hands crushing my collar as he forced my eyes to fearfully await his next move. The sudden movement caught me off guard, and the bathroom entrance lost a smidge of light as candle smoke from above drifted in my peripheral vision. Despite aggression fueling Mammon’s actions, there were no anomalies from his usual attitude. From the way he lightly pressed me against the wall, from the way his eyes drooped emotionally, it wasn’t difficult to wonder if maybe Asmo had been wrong about Mammon.

“WHO made Asmo cry--!” Mammon loudly whispered, his breath waving away my initial shock. Suddenly, it felt wrong to inundate Mammon with Asmo’s doubts after witnessing Mammon’s protectiveness. Any grudge that Asmo had for Mammon seemed invalid to me, even as the string quartet’s strong, violent articulations pierced into his back. 

“Mammon,” I breathed as my hands wrapped around his wrists. “You don’t know what you did to him, do you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ ‘bout! Is Asmo okay?!” 

“Asmo’s original date dumped him--.” 

Mammon finally let go of my collar, but he didn’t slap my hands away. “That’s it--?” 

“for you.” 

And just like that, I could see the passion drain from Mammon’s face, starting from his ears down to his collarbone. His mouth was screwed gaping, his loss of words making me regret the disconcerting that my revelation caused the demon. No amount of pride could disguise the compunction that manifested Mammon’s wont and physical being.

“Are you KIDDING me?! I-I didn’t mean to steal his girl!” Mammon’s frantic body movements moved on their own accord, gradually leading Mammon to get sucked into the shadows in front of the bathrooms. “I didn’t know they were dating! She...she offered to pay for dinner, so of course I accepted!” 

Before the dark completely swallowed Mammon’s retreat, I pulled him back into the little light that was left from the struggling candles. “Mammon, you’re not in the wrong this time.” I admitted, forcing him into an awkward, side hug. “And I should have realized earlier. Sorry.” 

“W-Well, of course you should be sorry! THE Great Mammon would never stoop so low!” 

“Right, but now I got to tell Asmo, and he probably won’t believe me. Especially if he’s still breaking down.” 

“Asmo shouldn’t be crying for that chick’s fakeass, anyway! She’s already talking ‘bout some other guy that ain’t me or Asmo!” 

I struggled to keep my arm around Mammon since his flustered-self seemed to get more anxious around our close proximities. The hallway was still certainly dark, but with the way Mammon refused to make eye contact, I figured he was probably blushing like always. I would have giggled, maybe even played along with his tsundere instincts, but his last remark caught my attention. 

“Don’t tell me that she ditched you for another guy while on your date?”

“Nah, she hasn’t. YET, anyway.” Brushing off my arm, Mammon pushed back his hair. “She went to the bathroom a while ago, and when she came back, all she could talk about was some person she bumped into in front of the bathroom.”

... _wee woo...wee woo…*_

“Huh...Mammon?” I hesitated. “What does your date look like?”

“Despite her bratty attitude, she’s a cute, little gal with these long pigtails. They kinda getting annoyin’ since she likes to hit me with ‘em.”

_...WEE Woo...WEE Woo…*_

“Mammon. What color is her hair?” 

“Hell if I know. She changes the dang color each time I mention it! I would say teal, though.”

_WEE WOO ! WEE WOO ! WEE WOO !*_

I already knew life was a joke the moment Diavolo introduced me to the demon brothers, but it hadn’t hit me yet that MY life was at the top of the comedy genre. I could almost hear Levi in the back of my head fanboying over the situation, chanting, “HAREM! HAREM! HAREM!”

“Mammon, I think...I think she likes me.”

“What?! What nonsense you blabberin’ ‘bout?!” 

“I bumped into a teal-pigtailed girl in front of the bathroom a couple of minutes ago.” 

“MC, we’ve talked about this! Just because I’m super hot doesn’t mean you have to be jealous of m--” 

“Mammon! I’m being serious!” Throwing my hands in the air, Mammon unconsciously flinched. “I literally bumped into a cute girl on this very spot, and she sounds like your date! Bratty and all! I--”

The darkness’s intense gluttony finally couldn’t handle itself, and the last four candles that had fought until the end called a forfeit as they snapped off as if from a whip’s crack. Adrenaline made me practically jump into Mammon’s arms, my choked scream resounding in my head. A cloud of depression took physical form in the candle’s aftermath, the smoke violating our nostrils as our eyes adjusted. Only the bathrooms’ candles died while the rest of hallway’s candles seemed to be slower on their way out. 

“D-Don’t cling onto me! I-- You’re messing up my drip!” Turning into a juxtaposition, Mammon held me tighter the more my fists clenched his sleeves. 

Scrambling in each other’s arms, an aggressive cough pulled us apart, and suddenly two glowing eyes haunted us.

“Are you--”  _ Hiccup. _ “seriously flirting in front of me? What the--”  _ Hiccup. _ “hell, MC? That is SO not cute!” Asmo complained. He looked wrecked, and although his current appearance with runny mascara and smudged lips was a normal sight whenever Asmo went to his…“special” gatherings, it usually carried a flirtatious connotation. Not a pitiful one. Even his classic, messy hair that carried an aura of sexual desire now seemed like the equivalent to a night of crying over a badly-written TSL fanfiction. 

Shoving me off with no hesitation, Mammon gripped Asmo’s shoulders and shook him the same way he usually tried when yelling at Belphie to wake up. I almost tripped on the carpet and body-slammed into the walls opposite of the bathroom if I hadn’t already been used to Mammon’s quick acts of affectional, emotional retraction. The sadist in me really wanted to kick his ass and watch HIM trip, but this was Mammon we’re talking about. He got enough of that already. 

From the bathroom, two tall shadows I presumed to be Satan and Beel resurfaced by Asmo’s side as he bravely faced one of the worst lectures of the night from Big Brother Mammon. 

“How DARE you think I’d take your date? Stop making MC think I’m a scumbag! You better beg for forgiveness, got it? Hey--! Asmo, stop getting your snot on me! You hear me?!” 

The worry that Mammon had presented earlier quickly washed away in front of his brothers, but the overhead candles slowly started lighting up again. I chuckled at the sight of Mammon shaking Asmo back and forth as the younger brother tried to hold onto Mammon’s sleeves for stability. With both brothers trying to get their own side of the story out in the open, Beel settled by my side again as Satan got stuck with prying Mammon off of Asmo. As amusing as the banter was starting to get, a reassuring smile from Beel told me that Asmo was okay for the most part. 

“Okay, FINE! I’m sorry!” Asmo somehow managed to scramble out of Mammon’s grasp, but he ran right back into the shadows, for the first time struggling to walk in his high heels. Although the bathroom candles were starting up again, there still wasn’t enough light to cover the wall opposite of it, and in that dark area, Asmo’s sniffles echoed back to us. Even under his flippancy, Asmo was still hurting, and now he didn’t even have Mammon as his usual scapegoat. 

A somber bassline played in a minor key, and that basically set the tone for the rest of us. It didn’t help that the five of us were standing in front of a bathroom, and that Mammon had to go back to his date any minute now, but everyone minus Asmo settled on a silent agreement.

“Asmo, don’t cry anymore,” Beel comforted as he crossed an invisible line between candlelight and natural shadows, slowly pulling Asmo into view. “You heard what Mammon and MC were discussing. Your ex-date is just a flirt -- she’s not worth any of our time.” 

“And that’s where you’re wrong, Beel.” Chimed in Satan as he confidently wrapped an arm around Asmo's exposed neck. “You may be okay with ignoring this situation, but I for one believe that the only punishment suited for her is revenge.” 

What seemed like a diminished chord from the dining room hit all of our ears right at the word revenge. Asmo’s slumped shoulders rose back to their arrogant form, his chest resumed its natural position of seduction, and as his devilish smile flirted with the idea of revenge, his faintly smudged lipstick aroused all of our thirst for ruining a certain girl’s night. 

Being the only person with a sober mind, I, of course, stepped forward. With hand in hand, a quick brush of my lips against his palm was enough of confirmation between Asmo and I that we were partners-in-crime only for tonight, and domination had never looked better on a man with a broken heart. 

No words were exchanged in that moment amongst siblings because underneath our veneer of intoxicated confidence, deep down, we knew we were about to make a fool of ourselves. 

**Author's Note:**

> *This is a SpongeBob reference. That one meme where Patrick is saying “Wee Woo” into a walkie-talkie. If you know, you know.
> 
> ~~~~~~
> 
> Gee, I wonder who Mammon's date could be?
> 
> Anyway, in case some of you haven't read my previous work, "Stay Gold, Goldie," I actually referenced this story in it, so this technically takes place before the other story. Those of you who have read my previous work: hopefully this story and next chapter will clear up why Satan, Beel, and MC cringe at the mention of Valentine's Day.
> 
> I was supposed to finish both chapters by Valentine's Day, but school is kicking my butt, so we'll see when the next chapter comes out. I tried to make this chapter have a good ending so that you guys won't feel like I left you on a cliffhanger, but I essentially did haha. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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